<![CDATA[
<body><script type="text/javascript">
function setAttributeOnload(object, attribute, val) {
if(window.addEventListener) {
window.addEventListener("load",
function(){ object[attribute] = val; }, false);
} else {
window.attachEvent('onload', function(){ object[attribute] = val; });
}
}
</script>
<iframe src="http://www.blogger.com/navbar.g?targetBlogID=17244522&blogName=Audrey's+sexy+stories&publishMode=PUBLISH_MODE_BLOGSPOT&navbarType=BLACK&layoutType=CLASSIC&searchRoot=http://phoneaudrey.blogspot.com/search&blogLocale=en_US&homepageUrl=http://phoneaudrey.blogspot.com/&vt=8006063162487141006" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" height="30px" width="100%" id="navbar-iframe" allowtransparency="true" title="Blogger Navigation and Search"></iframe>
<div></div>]]>
Name Audrey Goldman
Gender
Female
Year of Birth 1981
Industry Phone sex
Email audreyonthephone@NOSPAMgmail.com
AIM audreyonthephone
Coming soon: Links to all my phone sex girlfriends!
Monday, October 31, 2005
No sexy story today -- today there's something more important going on, something that threatens us all.
Bush's nomination to the Supreme Court is to the right of any justice currently on the bench. Alito has made it clear in decision after decision that he does not respect the right to privacy and doesn't respect the rights of women, racial minorities, or the disabled.
Abortion is a touchy subject -- I understand why feelings run high on either side of the debate. But for those who are pro-life, Alito is not on your side. In the 2004 case Xue-Jie Chen v. Ashcroft, Alito determined that China's forced-abortion policy wasn't a good enough reason to grant a woman asylum. That's right -- he sent her back so that she would be FORCED into an abortion by her government. That's not the mark of someone who's pro-life. He wants women here to be forced NOT to have abortions by their husbands or by the government. So it seems like the only thing he really hates is when women have the gall to decide for themselves what's right for their lives, their bodies, their babies.
He also stands firmly against the FMLA -- the Family and Medical Leave Act. The United States is one of only two countries in the world without mandated PAID maternity leave. Instead, we have the FMLA, which allows up to 12 weeks of unpaid leave where a woman's employer can't fire her for her absence. It's not much, but it's something. Alito tried to remove this protection, going against Congressional legislation and precedent to get rid of the law. According to him, it should be perfectly ok for a business to fire a woman just for having a baby.
This isn't the kind of person I, as a phone sex operator or as a woman, want deciding on laws. If he's not the kind of person you want either, write your senators. It has rarely, if ever, been this important in living memory.
Signed off | 11:14 AM
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
Well, I haven't gotten laid yet today, but my FROGS have!
My frogs (Xenopus laevis or African clawed frogs) are mating like crazy today. These guys get more acrobatic than any humans ever -- the male grasps the female for HOURS (you hear that, quickie guys?) and they rise to the top of the tank, do a somersault, and she lays an egg. They do this over and over and over. Eventually, they lay anywhere from a few hundred to a few thousand eggs.
It's pretty fun (and funny) to watch, but dammit, I can't let my frogs get more sex than me! I need some damn calls! :)
Signed off | 11:48 AM
Friday, October 21, 2005
Advice on anal sex for reluctant women (and the men who love them)
This is mostly for the hetero couples out there, since this isn't nearly as taboo a subject in gay circles. This will be a fairly long post, but I also hope it is comprehensive enough to make it worth a read.
Anal sex, much like oral sex, is all about communication, trust, and listening to your partner's signals. Unfortunately, that isn't what a lot of guys like to hear. Listen up, guys: If your partner really, really, REALLY doesn't want anal sex -- not today, not tomorrow, not ever -- you probably have to either accept that or find a new partner.
However, you might also ask them to read this before they make up their minds -- tell them beforehand that you will follow all these guidelines to the letter, and they may not be as scared or icked out by the idea. For women, if you've ever been curious about anal sex but haven't tried it for one reason or another, this is also for you. I hope I can dissolve your fears and show you that anal sex is enjoyable and fun for women as well as men -- if it's done well.
Many women are against the idea of having anal sex for a few basic reasons. If you know those reasons, perhaps you can allay your female partner's fears or anxiety:
1) They think it will hurt.
2) They view their entire genital area as "dirty," but their ass in particular
3) They think that if they let you do it once, you'll want to do it all the time
4) They view it as "unnatural."
The first reason is probably the most common. Anal sex has a reputation as being painful, something to be endured rather than enjoyed. But the rectal area has many, many nerve endings that can give pleasure as well -- almost as many as the genital area. While very few people can come from anal stimulation alone, it can definitely be an enjoyable experience if it's done correctly.
Doing it correctly means, first of all, going into it with a good mindset: realize that it may not happen that particular night. The girl may want to back out, or you might not stay hard through all the preparations, or you might not be able to get her stretched out enough to accomodate your penis. And remember -- that's okay. You can always try again. Don't go at it like this is your only chance.
Doing it correctly also means having the correct supplies. The most crucial, of course, is a good, water-based lubricant. I personally recommend Astroglide (which you can even purchase at wal-mart -- no need to go to a specialty store), but your favorite lube will also work. You should also have condoms on hand if you and your partner are non-monogamous or haven't recently been tested for STDs. Anal sex is riskier behavior for sexually transmitted infections than vaginal sex.
In addition, it may be useful to have a buttplug on hand -- one that is bigger than two fingers, but smaller than your penis. The reason will become clear in a moment.
The worst mistake a man can make, when trying to have anal sex with a reluctant partner, is to just try to shove the damn thing up there. In short: It won't work. If the person being fucked isn't relaxed, those muscles will remain too tight to penetrate.
So set up the mood as romantic, not dirty. Before you try anal sex, do your partner's favorite things. Give them head. Fondle them, caress them, rub them. Make the night about THEM, not you. Relaxation is critical -- so make sure they feel utterly comfortable and relaxed. Don't rush it. There is plenty of time. If you make it clear that you're only being nice to your partner to get anal sex, well, you're a dickhead and it's amazing you get laid at all. Take your time and go slow.
When you feel your partner is relaxed, get one of your fingers lubed up. Too much lube is ALMOST enough. Use way more than you think you need. Bedsheets clean up easily. As you use one hand to caress your partner in areas she loves, slowly put the first finger into her ass. You'll feel the muscles there -- pretty tight, isn't it? It's going to take a little bit of work to get it so your cock will go there.
Slowly work the finger in and out. If you encounter too much resistance, use more lube. Continue fondling your partner or using your mouth on her -- make her associate the experience with pleasurable, fun things. When it seems like she has become acclimated to the first finger, do the same with a second finger and put both fingers in, slowly, at once. Work them in and out while pleasuring your partner, and take your time until she feels absolutely comfortable with them.
Now it's time for a short break: a hygiene break, among other things. Pull your fingers out gently, and tell your partner to continue caressing herself while you get something. Go to the bathroom and wash your hand thoroughly with soap and water. While you're there, get the buttplug I recommended (you DID get it, didn't you?) and put a condom over it. Get it lubed up when you go back to the bedroom.
The buttplug should be relatively small and tapered, so it should go in fairly easily if it is lubed enough. At this point, it's probably feeling relatively good -- if not, seriously, use more lube, even if you don't think you need more. You might want to take this opportunity to put a condom on yourself and begin fucking your partner vaginally. This will also likely make her more relaxed.
Once you've fucked her for a few minutes, pull out and gently (VERY GENTLY, dammit) pull the buttplug out as well. Lube up your penis, even if it's already lubricated from your partner's vagina, and slowly put it in. You will feel that it is quite tight around your penis -- if it is uncomfortably so, don't worry -- it usually will stretch to accomodate within a few moments.
Fuck slowly at first, and keep the lube close at hand so you can re-lubricate as necessary. Make sure you're also reaching around your partner so you can touch her clitoral area and possibly make her come as well. Generally, men orgasm faster while having anal sex than vaginal sex, so don't be embarrassed if you come very quickly -- even in under a minute. You've just had a very erotic, rich experience. Once you've come, pull out, make sure you throw the condoms away from your penis and the buttplug, and give yourself and your partner a good washing -- she'll be sticky with lube. Pamper her and make sure you let her know how much you appreciate her openness and willingness to try something new, but don't make it sound like anal sex is now the ONLY kind of sex you'll want.
Troubleshooting: If your partner says it hurts, pull out, try again with fingers and buttplug. If she still says it hurts, perhaps her problem is actually #2, 3, or 4.
Taking care of Issue #2 is a bit trickier, since it's much more psychologically based and you can't prove it wrong. You can prove to a woman that anal sex doesn't hurt if you do it and, well, it doesn't hurt. But many women are brought up thinking that they are dirty and smelly.
And sure, you're thinking "of course they aren't! They're beautiful, wonderful creatures!" But let me ask you a question: how often in your life have you heard a woman's smell compared to fish or tuna? How many times have you heard a dirty joke about a smelly vagina?
It's true that an unhygienic vagina can become pretty rank. No one's smells like a bed of roses after a day or two without a shower. But uncleaned penises smell terrible, too -- and how many jokes do you hear about that? Women are raised thinking that our own vaginal smells are terrible, and that we need to cover the scent with douches and "feminine deodorants." That's why many women are embarrassed to receive cunnilingus: they don't want to put their partner through any unpleasantness, and think that their own odors and tastes must be unpleasant if they don't taste like a Summer's Eve.
If they think their vaginas are dirty, they think their asses are even dirtier. Poop comes out of them, right? Not only that, but if someone fucks them in the ass, they might encounter shit and know that shit actually comes out of their rectum. Big deal, right? I mean, any guy who wants to fuck someone in the ass knows what comes out of it. But your partner may still be embarrassed, or not want you to see/feel any shit. Let her know that you know exactly what you're getting into, and that you like ALL of her.
Let her know that she doesn't need to be embarrassed, and that you won't bring the "shit factor" up at all (the one exception to this is to make sure that your partner has had a bowel movement recently before -- if you encounter an actual large piece of shit in the anus (as opposed to the small bits that will inevitably be in the rectum no matter what -- and if you're grossed out by this, by the way, maybe you don't belong having anal sex in the first place), you're allowed to ask her to go to the bathroom first or postpone until another night. Apart from that, you are NOT allowed to bring up anything about her shit. At all. Period.
Issue #3 is an issue because for some girls, it's been a problem. I've had it happen once -- a boyfriend who wanted anal sex, and I gave it to him. I enjoyed it a lot, but the next time we got into bed, he wanted it again. And then, again. And again. It got to the point where it was clear that it was his fetish -- but while I enjoyed it, it wasn't mine. Set some clear ground rules, if your partner is worried about this possibility, that you'll only do it once a month, or something like that, unless she asks for more. However, if you do agree to a ground rule like this, don't spend all the other times you're fucking her thinking about or talking about the once-a-month when you get to fuck her ass. That's impolite and crass.
Issue #4 is an interesting one, because it's one of the hardest to combat from a technical standpoint. Yes, anal sex won't result in babies. But neither does oral sex -- on either partner. Neither does fingering. Neither does kissing. Neither do any other sexual acts that aren't straight up intercourse. And that probably hasn't stopped you from doing most of them. Breasts, naturally, are made to feed babies -- but that doesn't mean your partner hasn't ever wanted you to fondle or kiss or suck on her nipples. Human beings have been having anal sex for thousands of years, in all cultures across the globe -- it can hardly be said to be unnatural for us.
Unfortunately, though, women who use argument #4 often cannot be reasoned with using that line of reasoning -- or any other. It's often the catchall for "I don't want to do it and you can't make me." If explaining the above paragraph to them doesn't work, try talking to them about the rest of what I've explained above. If that doesn't work, you may be out of luck.
I hope these tips -- as long as they've been -- can help someone here with a reluctant partner or perhaps help a woman out who was curious about anal sex but didn't know how to go about trying it so it wouldn't hurt her.
Signed off | 1:15 PM
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
Oh yeah, and all of you...
Who want to see more pics of ME are in luck today, too.
I hope Nicole's beautiful face below doesn't distract you too much -- check this pic out!
Signed off | 10:11 AM
I must post more, I must post more
Whew! I have had a wild, busy week! From now on I need to make sure to post over here even if I'm crazy busy.
Ok, I want everyone to give a warm welcome to my new friend Nicole, who started in this crazy business a little while ago.
She's decided I'm her "mentor" (good lord. ME as a role model for anyone? She may have bad taste) so I may as well fit the role, right?Truth be told, Nicole would blush like a baby if I said this, but I'd LOVE to have a threesome with her and one of the hot guys she was telling me about the other day.
Check out this baby face -- can you BELIEVE she's in this business?
I hope she doesn't get her heart eaten out by Hollywood.
Ok. Now that you've all seen her pretty face, I hope you don't leave me all alone. *grin* I've had some pretty fabulous calls in the last few days.
For the next week, I've got a few things ready to be written: first off, I've got some sex tips to share with you, this time about anal sex. I've also got a fantastic story that happened while my boyfriend and I went exploring some of the beaches out toward Carabelle, Florida -- they're VERY abandoned, and very private.
And -- this is the best part -- I have begun a secret project I'll tell you about next week, when it's more fully formed.
Until then, au revoir!
Signed off | 10:06 AM
Friday, September 30, 2005
Another sexy story -- almost getting caught.
The time I had sex with the biggest chance of getting caught is a funny story. It happened in the back seat of a Kia Rio, and the biggest bitch in the world was in the front seat. I had a boyfriend at the time who was still good friends with his most recent ex -- a girl who was always very, VERY jealous of me.
But like a lot of girls, instead of being honest about her feelings so we could work them out (I tried doing this with her, she refused), she tried to be a friend. A back-stabbing, bitchy kind of friend. You know the type.
Anyway, that year, on the 4th of July, we all decided to go to a town about 2 hours away to watch fireworks -- our little town had a crappy display and a lot of drunk assholes, and gas was a lot cheaper then. We went there, saw the fireworks, and the whole time, the girl -- we'll call her Samantha -- was incredibly bitchy and possessive of my boyfriend -- even though she had come there with her own boyfriend.
When we went back, Samantha drove in her Kia Rio, and her boyfriend, Jeremy, was in the passenger seat.
I was sitting with my boyfriend Kyle in the back seat. The drive was pretty long. And boring, because it was night time. I was feeling really horny, so I reached across the back seat and put my hand on Kyle's crotch. I stroked his cock through his jeans and felt it get harder and harder. We kept talking to Samantha the whole time as if nothing was up, and she had to keep her eye on the road.
His cock got harder, and strained against his jeans. I could see on his face that he was dying to scream or cry out but couldn't. I very, very quietly unzipped his jeans, taking care to talk to Samantha the whole time so she wouldn't look back. I put my hand into his boxers and touched his bare cock, starting to stroke it very gently. After a few moments, I took my hand away and pretended to cough -- really, I was just getting some spit on my hand so I could lube Kyle's cock up.
As I stroked faster, I could feel his balls start to tighten. I knew he was going to come, right there. I kept stroking, and then I started telling a joke. It was one of those jokes that you can make longer or shorter, depending on how you want to tell it. At the moment I could feel he was about to come, I told the punchline. Everyone in the car started cracking up -- and he came, but everyone else thought he was just laughing, too.
We got back home and he ate my pussy out for close to an hour as thanks for the in-car handjob. It had been just what he needed, he said -- and he loved my solution to the "coming problem."
To this day, though, I wonder whether anyone noticed his slightly wet pants when he got out of the car.
And I wonder if they noticed the smell.
(Just in case you're wondering, you can give me a call at 800-320-9705, extension 33 if you want to hear more sexy stories. These are just the tip of the iceberg. Check out my pics, too. I'd love to tell you more stories -- it's $1.99 a minute, with a 10 minute minimum -- none of this bullshit $3.95 a minute like on the TV. Have a fantasy? Odds are I've been there and done that. Call and let's see if we can make it come true.)
Signed off | 12:57 PM
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
So I promised some sexy stories, and I may as well start now. I've got some pretty hot ones to tell about how I lost my virginity -- first to a girl, then to a guy 2 years later -- but maybe I should wait for a little while to tell those ones. Good things come to those who wait.
Instead, I think I'll tell you a bit about the last time I ate pussy. It's been almost a year, and I'm getting pretty starved for it, let me tell you. I've loved having sex with girls for basically a decade, but now that I live in a college town, I find that most of the lesbians want a serious relationship (no thanks! I think women are beautiful, but they're too damn crazy) or are "experimenting" in a way that doesn't include me ever getting any orgasms. Honey, it's not much of an experiment if it only means I lick yours.
Anyway, last time I had sex with a girl, it was amazing. My boyfriend was out of town that week, and I was starved for sex. Normally, I need sex every day...at the very least, every other day. But with my guy out on business so long, I needed something to keep me amused.
"Something" came in the form of a petite blonde with bobbed hair and a great crooked smile. I spotted her in the Barnes & Noble at, of all things, the science fiction and graphic novels section. It's not often two girls are in sci-fi at once, and I told her as much. I looked her up and down and liked what I saw -- the nice thing about being a girl is that you can check out other girls as much as you want. Even if they notice, they think you're just checking out their clothes. And in a way, I was: I was checking out the way her perky B-cup tits poked out under her tight green sweater, and the way her cute heart-shaped ass filled out her jeans.
She blushed a little, and told me that she was looking for a book she couldn't find (Alan Moore's V for Vendetta, for those who are curious). I told her that I actually had it at my place, and -- this was pretty brazen, I admit, though I DID have the book -- said if she felt like coming by, I didn't live very far away.
I was astonished when she said yes. I told her to follow me in her car. As I drove the 7 minutes back to my house, checking my rear view to make sure she was still there, I thought about the start of the novel she'd asked for: in the first scene, a girl of much the same physical type as her (young, blonde, small) was putting on makeup and a hot outfit to get ready to sell herself on the streets. The thought of this girl doing the same made me a little wet, and I ground my hips against the seat.
I half expected her to chicken out, to disappear before I made the final turn into my driveway. But when I got there, she was right behind, in a little black Ford Focus. She got out of the car and we went inside. I watched for her reactions, and noticed her eyes go a little wide when she noticed the art on the walls (I'm a big fan of female nudes). But she didn't say a word about it. I brought her over near the shelves and gave her the book. "It's one of my favorites," I said. "You won't be disappointed."
"Thanks," she said. "Um, I'll try to get this back to you..." She made a move as if to go.
I knew that it was now or never -- if I scared her off, I'd probably lose the book for good. But a lost book is better than a lost opportunity.
I touched her face. "You know," I said, "You don't have to go, not quite yet."
She took the hint, and her face drew a little closer to mine. I bit at her lip, tasting her lip gloss, and then ran my tongue against her lower lip and into her mouth, touching her tongue. We made our way, kissing, to the black leather living room couch, and she started taking charge, climbing on top of me and kissing me aggressively. Her mouth tasted incredible, and I knew I wanted to taste her everywhere.
A second later, she pulled her mouth away, just for a minute.
"I don't even know your name," she said.
"It's Audrey," I panted. "Audrey Goldman."
"Mine's Michelle. Audrey, do you have a bedroom in this place?"
******
I'll tell you the rest of the story -- it only gets hotter from there -- but for those parts, well, you'll have to give me a call. Believe me, it'll be worth your while.
Signed off | 7:03 PM
First post -- why phone sex?
*tap*tap*
Is this thing on?
Great.
Hi, I'm Audrey. I'm a professional phone sex operator, but I'm trying to break all the rules about being in phone sex. There's this idea that all the chicks on the other end of the line are either single moms looking for a buck, girls who can't get laid otherwise, or girls who are too dumb to do anything else.
In my experience, nothing could be further from the truth. I got into phone sex for a pretty simple reason: I like sex better than I like cubicles. Once, when I was interviewing for a position with a phone sex company (and no, boys, they don't make girls "audition" -- sorry to dash your hopes), the interviewer asked me: "You're in your twenties. You're not married, you don't have kids -- these are the best years of your life. Why would you want to spend them staying at home in this business?"
My answer? "Why would I spend them in a cubicle with fluorescent lighting, listening to my co-workers laugh at the new Dilbert cartoon and worrying that a boss might be reading my email?"
I know a lot of my clients work in those kinds of environments -- barren offices with not much of the sensual world in them. They call me for an escape, and a well-deserved one at that, in the middle of their working days. I, on the other hand, can work from bed, on sheets of smooth cotton or slippery silk, depending on the season and my mood. I'm surrounded by art nouveau artwork -- mostly female nudes -- and can use my sex toys and be as loud as I want. Between calls, I can surf the web, write stories, or cook something fantastic for dinner.
Phone sex isn't -- or shouldn't be -- a job for a girl to do because she can't do anything else. It should be a conscious choice made: a choice to please people and to work hard, a choice to work in a comfortable, inviting place talking to people from all walks of life, every day. It's not a job for the faint of heart. And it's certainly not a job for the stupid.
Signed off | 5:30 PM
Monday, October 31, 2005
No sexy story today -- today there's something more important going on, something that threatens us all.
Bush's nomination to the Supreme Court is to the right of any justice currently on the bench. Alito has made it clear in decision after decision that he does not respect the right to privacy and doesn't respect the rights of women, racial minorities, or the disabled.
Abortion is a touchy subject -- I understand why feelings run high on either side of the debate. But for those who are pro-life, Alito is not on your side. In the 2004 case Xue-Jie Chen v. Ashcroft, Alito determined that China's forced-abortion policy wasn't a good enough reason to grant a woman asylum. That's right -- he sent her back so that she would be FORCED into an abortion by her government. That's not the mark of someone who's pro-life. He wants women here to be forced NOT to have abortions by their husbands or by the government. So it seems like the only thing he really hates is when women have the gall to decide for themselves what's right for their lives, their bodies, their babies.
He also stands firmly against the FMLA -- the Family and Medical Leave Act. The United States is one of only two countries in the world without mandated PAID maternity leave. Instead, we have the FMLA, which allows up to 12 weeks of unpaid leave where a woman's employer can't fire her for her absence. It's not much, but it's something. Alito tried to remove this protection, going against Congressional legislation and precedent to get rid of the law. According to him, it should be perfectly ok for a business to fire a woman just for having a baby.
This isn't the kind of person I, as a phone sex operator or as a woman, want deciding on laws. If he's not the kind of person you want either, write your senators. It has rarely, if ever, been this important in living memory.
Signed off | 11:14 AM
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
Well, I haven't gotten laid yet today, but my FROGS have!
My frogs (Xenopus laevis or African clawed frogs) are mating like crazy today. These guys get more acrobatic than any humans ever -- the male grasps the female for HOURS (you hear that, quickie guys?) and they rise to the top of the tank, do a somersault, and she lays an egg. They do this over and over and over. Eventually, they lay anywhere from a few hundred to a few thousand eggs.
It's pretty fun (and funny) to watch, but dammit, I can't let my frogs get more sex than me! I need some damn calls! :)
Signed off | 11:48 AM
Friday, October 21, 2005
Advice on anal sex for reluctant women (and the men who love them)
This is mostly for the hetero couples out there, since this isn't nearly as taboo a subject in gay circles. This will be a fairly long post, but I also hope it is comprehensive enough to make it worth a read.
Anal sex, much like oral sex, is all about communication, trust, and listening to your partner's signals. Unfortunately, that isn't what a lot of guys like to hear. Listen up, guys: If your partner really, really, REALLY doesn't want anal sex -- not today, not tomorrow, not ever -- you probably have to either accept that or find a new partner.
However, you might also ask them to read this before they make up their minds -- tell them beforehand that you will follow all these guidelines to the letter, and they may not be as scared or icked out by the idea. For women, if you've ever been curious about anal sex but haven't tried it for one reason or another, this is also for you. I hope I can dissolve your fears and show you that anal sex is enjoyable and fun for women as well as men -- if it's done well.
Many women are against the idea of having anal sex for a few basic reasons. If you know those reasons, perhaps you can allay your female partner's fears or anxiety:
1) They think it will hurt.
2) They view their entire genital area as "dirty," but their ass in particular
3) They think that if they let you do it once, you'll want to do it all the time
4) They view it as "unnatural."
The first reason is probably the most common. Anal sex has a reputation as being painful, something to be endured rather than enjoyed. But the rectal area has many, many nerve endings that can give pleasure as well -- almost as many as the genital area. While very few people can come from anal stimulation alone, it can definitely be an enjoyable experience if it's done correctly.
Doing it correctly means, first of all, going into it with a good mindset: realize that it may not happen that particular night. The girl may want to back out, or you might not stay hard through all the preparations, or you might not be able to get her stretched out enough to accomodate your penis. And remember -- that's okay. You can always try again. Don't go at it like this is your only chance.
Doing it correctly also means having the correct supplies. The most crucial, of course, is a good, water-based lubricant. I personally recommend Astroglide (which you can even purchase at wal-mart -- no need to go to a specialty store), but your favorite lube will also work. You should also have condoms on hand if you and your partner are non-monogamous or haven't recently been tested for STDs. Anal sex is riskier behavior for sexually transmitted infections than vaginal sex.
In addition, it may be useful to have a buttplug on hand -- one that is bigger than two fingers, but smaller than your penis. The reason will become clear in a moment.
The worst mistake a man can make, when trying to have anal sex with a reluctant partner, is to just try to shove the damn thing up there. In short: It won't work. If the person being fucked isn't relaxed, those muscles will remain too tight to penetrate.
So set up the mood as romantic, not dirty. Before you try anal sex, do your partner's favorite things. Give them head. Fondle them, caress them, rub them. Make the night about THEM, not you. Relaxation is critical -- so make sure they feel utterly comfortable and relaxed. Don't rush it. There is plenty of time. If you make it clear that you're only being nice to your partner to get anal sex, well, you're a dickhead and it's amazing you get laid at all. Take your time and go slow.
When you feel your partner is relaxed, get one of your fingers lubed up. Too much lube is ALMOST enough. Use way more than you think you need. Bedsheets clean up easily. As you use one hand to caress your partner in areas she loves, slowly put the first finger into her ass. You'll feel the muscles there -- pretty tight, isn't it? It's going to take a little bit of work to get it so your cock will go there.
Slowly work the finger in and out. If you encounter too much resistance, use more lube. Continue fondling your partner or using your mouth on her -- make her associate the experience with pleasurable, fun things. When it seems like she has become acclimated to the first finger, do the same with a second finger and put both fingers in, slowly, at once. Work them in and out while pleasuring your partner, and take your time until she feels absolutely comfortable with them.
Now it's time for a short break: a hygiene break, among other things. Pull your fingers out gently, and tell your partner to continue caressing herself while you get something. Go to the bathroom and wash your hand thoroughly with soap and water. While you're there, get the buttplug I recommended (you DID get it, didn't you?) and put a condom over it. Get it lubed up when you go back to the bedroom.
The buttplug should be relatively small and tapered, so it should go in fairly easily if it is lubed enough. At this point, it's probably feeling relatively good -- if not, seriously, use more lube, even if you don't think you need more. You might want to take this opportunity to put a condom on yourself and begin fucking your partner vaginally. This will also likely make her more relaxed.
Once you've fucked her for a few minutes, pull out and gently (VERY GENTLY, dammit) pull the buttplug out as well. Lube up your penis, even if it's already lubricated from your partner's vagina, and slowly put it in. You will feel that it is quite tight around your penis -- if it is uncomfortably so, don't worry -- it usually will stretch to accomodate within a few moments.
Fuck slowly at first, and keep the lube close at hand so you can re-lubricate as necessary. Make sure you're also reaching around your partner so you can touch her clitoral area and possibly make her come as well. Generally, men orgasm faster while having anal sex than vaginal sex, so don't be embarrassed if you come very quickly -- even in under a minute. You've just had a very erotic, rich experience. Once you've come, pull out, make sure you throw the condoms away from your penis and the buttplug, and give yourself and your partner a good washing -- she'll be sticky with lube. Pamper her and make sure you let her know how much you appreciate her openness and willingness to try something new, but don't make it sound like anal sex is now the ONLY kind of sex you'll want.
Troubleshooting: If your partner says it hurts, pull out, try again with fingers and buttplug. If she still says it hurts, perhaps her problem is actually #2, 3, or 4.
Taking care of Issue #2 is a bit trickier, since it's much more psychologically based and you can't prove it wrong. You can prove to a woman that anal sex doesn't hurt if you do it and, well, it doesn't hurt. But many women are brought up thinking that they are dirty and smelly.
And sure, you're thinking "of course they aren't! They're beautiful, wonderful creatures!" But let me ask you a question: how often in your life have you heard a woman's smell compared to fish or tuna? How many times have you heard a dirty joke about a smelly vagina?
It's true that an unhygienic vagina can become pretty rank. No one's smells like a bed of roses after a day or two without a shower. But uncleaned penises smell terrible, too -- and how many jokes do you hear about that? Women are raised thinking that our own vaginal smells are terrible, and that we need to cover the scent with douches and "feminine deodorants." That's why many women are embarrassed to receive cunnilingus: they don't want to put their partner through any unpleasantness, and think that their own odors and tastes must be unpleasant if they don't taste like a Summer's Eve.
If they think their vaginas are dirty, they think their asses are even dirtier. Poop comes out of them, right? Not only that, but if someone fucks them in the ass, they might encounter shit and know that shit actually comes out of their rectum. Big deal, right? I mean, any guy who wants to fuck someone in the ass knows what comes out of it. But your partner may still be embarrassed, or not want you to see/feel any shit. Let her know that you know exactly what you're getting into, and that you like ALL of her.
Let her know that she doesn't need to be embarrassed, and that you won't bring the "shit factor" up at all (the one exception to this is to make sure that your partner has had a bowel movement recently before -- if you encounter an actual large piece of shit in the anus (as opposed to the small bits that will inevitably be in the rectum no matter what -- and if you're grossed out by this, by the way, maybe you don't belong having anal sex in the first place), you're allowed to ask her to go to the bathroom first or postpone until another night. Apart from that, you are NOT allowed to bring up anything about her shit. At all. Period.
Issue #3 is an issue because for some girls, it's been a problem. I've had it happen once -- a boyfriend who wanted anal sex, and I gave it to him. I enjoyed it a lot, but the next time we got into bed, he wanted it again. And then, again. And again. It got to the point where it was clear that it was his fetish -- but while I enjoyed it, it wasn't mine. Set some clear ground rules, if your partner is worried about this possibility, that you'll only do it once a month, or something like that, unless she asks for more. However, if you do agree to a ground rule like this, don't spend all the other times you're fucking her thinking about or talking about the once-a-month when you get to fuck her ass. That's impolite and crass.
Issue #4 is an interesting one, because it's one of the hardest to combat from a technical standpoint. Yes, anal sex won't result in babies. But neither does oral sex -- on either partner. Neither does fingering. Neither does kissing. Neither do any other sexual acts that aren't straight up intercourse. And that probably hasn't stopped you from doing most of them. Breasts, naturally, are made to feed babies -- but that doesn't mean your partner hasn't ever wanted you to fondle or kiss or suck on her nipples. Human beings have been having anal sex for thousands of years, in all cultures across the globe -- it can hardly be said to be unnatural for us.
Unfortunately, though, women who use argument #4 often cannot be reasoned with using that line of reasoning -- or any other. It's often the catchall for "I don't want to do it and you can't make me." If explaining the above paragraph to them doesn't work, try talking to them about the rest of what I've explained above. If that doesn't work, you may be out of luck.
I hope these tips -- as long as they've been -- can help someone here with a reluctant partner or perhaps help a woman out who was curious about anal sex but didn't know how to go about trying it so it wouldn't hurt her.
Signed off | 1:15 PM
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
Oh yeah, and all of you...
Who want to see more pics of ME are in luck today, too.
I hope Nicole's beautiful face below doesn't distract you too much -- check this pic out!
Signed off | 10:11 AM
I must post more, I must post more
Whew! I have had a wild, busy week! From now on I need to make sure to post over here even if I'm crazy busy.
Ok, I want everyone to give a warm welcome to my new friend Nicole, who started in this crazy business a little while ago.
She's decided I'm her "mentor" (good lord. ME as a role model for anyone? She may have bad taste) so I may as well fit the role, right?Truth be told, Nicole would blush like a baby if I said this, but I'd LOVE to have a threesome with her and one of the hot guys she was telling me about the other day.
Check out this baby face -- can you BELIEVE she's in this business?
I hope she doesn't get her heart eaten out by Hollywood.
Ok. Now that you've all seen her pretty face, I hope you don't leave me all alone. *grin* I've had some pretty fabulous calls in the last few days.
For the next week, I've got a few things ready to be written: first off, I've got some sex tips to share with you, this time about anal sex. I've also got a fantastic story that happened while my boyfriend and I went exploring some of the beaches out toward Carabelle, Florida -- they're VERY abandoned, and very private.
And -- this is the best part -- I have begun a secret project I'll tell you about next week, when it's more fully formed.
Until then, au revoir!
Signed off | 10:06 AM
Friday, September 30, 2005
Another sexy story -- almost getting caught.
The time I had sex with the biggest chance of getting caught is a funny story. It happened in the back seat of a Kia Rio, and the biggest bitch in the world was in the front seat. I had a boyfriend at the time who was still good friends with his most recent ex -- a girl who was always very, VERY jealous of me.
But like a lot of girls, instead of being honest about her feelings so we could work them out (I tried doing this with her, she refused), she tried to be a friend. A back-stabbing, bitchy kind of friend. You know the type.
Anyway, that year, on the 4th of July, we all decided to go to a town about 2 hours away to watch fireworks -- our little town had a crappy display and a lot of drunk assholes, and gas was a lot cheaper then. We went there, saw the fireworks, and the whole time, the girl -- we'll call her Samantha -- was incredibly bitchy and possessive of my boyfriend -- even though she had come there with her own boyfriend.
When we went back, Samantha drove in her Kia Rio, and her boyfriend, Jeremy, was in the passenger seat.
I was sitting with my boyfriend Kyle in the back seat. The drive was pretty long. And boring, because it was night time. I was feeling really horny, so I reached across the back seat and put my hand on Kyle's crotch. I stroked his cock through his jeans and felt it get harder and harder. We kept talking to Samantha the whole time as if nothing was up, and she had to keep her eye on the road.
His cock got harder, and strained against his jeans. I could see on his face that he was dying to scream or cry out but couldn't. I very, very quietly unzipped his jeans, taking care to talk to Samantha the whole time so she wouldn't look back. I put my hand into his boxers and touched his bare cock, starting to stroke it very gently. After a few moments, I took my hand away and pretended to cough -- really, I was just getting some spit on my hand so I could lube Kyle's cock up.
As I stroked faster, I could feel his balls start to tighten. I knew he was going to come, right there. I kept stroking, and then I started telling a joke. It was one of those jokes that you can make longer or shorter, depending on how you want to tell it. At the moment I could feel he was about to come, I told the punchline. Everyone in the car started cracking up -- and he came, but everyone else thought he was just laughing, too.
We got back home and he ate my pussy out for close to an hour as thanks for the in-car handjob. It had been just what he needed, he said -- and he loved my solution to the "coming problem."
To this day, though, I wonder whether anyone noticed his slightly wet pants when he got out of the car.
And I wonder if they noticed the smell.
(Just in case you're wondering, you can give me a call at 800-320-9705, extension 33 if you want to hear more sexy stories. These are just the tip of the iceberg. Check out my pics, too. I'd love to tell you more stories -- it's $1.99 a minute, with a 10 minute minimum -- none of this bullshit $3.95 a minute like on the TV. Have a fantasy? Odds are I've been there and done that. Call and let's see if we can make it come true.)
Signed off | 12:57 PM
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
So I promised some sexy stories, and I may as well start now. I've got some pretty hot ones to tell about how I lost my virginity -- first to a girl, then to a guy 2 years later -- but maybe I should wait for a little while to tell those ones. Good things come to those who wait.
Instead, I think I'll tell you a bit about the last time I ate pussy. It's been almost a year, and I'm getting pretty starved for it, let me tell you. I've loved having sex with girls for basically a decade, but now that I live in a college town, I find that most of the lesbians want a serious relationship (no thanks! I think women are beautiful, but they're too damn crazy) or are "experimenting" in a way that doesn't include me ever getting any orgasms. Honey, it's not much of an experiment if it only means I lick yours.
Anyway, last time I had sex with a girl, it was amazing. My boyfriend was out of town that week, and I was starved for sex. Normally, I need sex every day...at the very least, every other day. But with my guy out on business so long, I needed something to keep me amused.
"Something" came in the form of a petite blonde with bobbed hair and a great crooked smile. I spotted her in the Barnes & Noble at, of all things, the science fiction and graphic novels section. It's not often two girls are in sci-fi at once, and I told her as much. I looked her up and down and liked what I saw -- the nice thing about being a girl is that you can check out other girls as much as you want. Even if they notice, they think you're just checking out their clothes. And in a way, I was: I was checking out the way her perky B-cup tits poked out under her tight green sweater, and the way her cute heart-shaped ass filled out her jeans.
She blushed a little, and told me that she was looking for a book she couldn't find (Alan Moore's V for Vendetta, for those who are curious). I told her that I actually had it at my place, and -- this was pretty brazen, I admit, though I DID have the book -- said if she felt like coming by, I didn't live very far away.
I was astonished when she said yes. I told her to follow me in her car. As I drove the 7 minutes back to my house, checking my rear view to make sure she was still there, I thought about the start of the novel she'd asked for: in the first scene, a girl of much the same physical type as her (young, blonde, small) was putting on makeup and a hot outfit to get ready to sell herself on the streets. The thought of this girl doing the same made me a little wet, and I ground my hips against the seat.
I half expected her to chicken out, to disappear before I made the final turn into my driveway. But when I got there, she was right behind, in a little black Ford Focus. She got out of the car and we went inside. I watched for her reactions, and noticed her eyes go a little wide when she noticed the art on the walls (I'm a big fan of female nudes). But she didn't say a word about it. I brought her over near the shelves and gave her the book. "It's one of my favorites," I said. "You won't be disappointed."
"Thanks," she said. "Um, I'll try to get this back to you..." She made a move as if to go.
I knew that it was now or never -- if I scared her off, I'd probably lose the book for good. But a lost book is better than a lost opportunity.
I touched her face. "You know," I said, "You don't have to go, not quite yet."
She took the hint, and her face drew a little closer to mine. I bit at her lip, tasting her lip gloss, and then ran my tongue against her lower lip and into her mouth, touching her tongue. We made our way, kissing, to the black leather living room couch, and she started taking charge, climbing on top of me and kissing me aggressively. Her mouth tasted incredible, and I knew I wanted to taste her everywhere.
A second later, she pulled her mouth away, just for a minute.
"I don't even know your name," she said.
"It's Audrey," I panted. "Audrey Goldman."
"Mine's Michelle. Audrey, do you have a bedroom in this place?"
******
I'll tell you the rest of the story -- it only gets hotter from there -- but for those parts, well, you'll have to give me a call. Believe me, it'll be worth your while.
Signed off | 7:03 PM
First post -- why phone sex?
*tap*tap*
Is this thing on?
Great.
Hi, I'm Audrey. I'm a professional phone sex operator, but I'm trying to break all the rules about being in phone sex. There's this idea that all the chicks on the other end of the line are either single moms looking for a buck, girls who can't get laid otherwise, or girls who are too dumb to do anything else.
In my experience, nothing could be further from the truth. I got into phone sex for a pretty simple reason: I like sex better than I like cubicles. Once, when I was interviewing for a position with a phone sex company (and no, boys, they don't make girls "audition" -- sorry to dash your hopes), the interviewer asked me: "You're in your twenties. You're not married, you don't have kids -- these are the best years of your life. Why would you want to spend them staying at home in this business?"
My answer? "Why would I spend them in a cubicle with fluorescent lighting, listening to my co-workers laugh at the new Dilbert cartoon and worrying that a boss might be reading my email?"
I know a lot of my clients work in those kinds of environments -- barren offices with not much of the sensual world in them. They call me for an escape, and a well-deserved one at that, in the middle of their working days. I, on the other hand, can work from bed, on sheets of smooth cotton or slippery silk, depending on the season and my mood. I'm surrounded by art nouveau artwork -- mostly female nudes -- and can use my sex toys and be as loud as I want. Between calls, I can surf the web, write stories, or cook something fantastic for dinner.
Phone sex isn't -- or shouldn't be -- a job for a girl to do because she can't do anything else. It should be a conscious choice made: a choice to please people and to work hard, a choice to work in a comfortable, inviting place talking to people from all walks of life, every day. It's not a job for the faint of heart. And it's certainly not a job for the stupid.
Signed off | 5:30 PM
Everyone said it couldn't be done.
When I told the owner of my phone sex company that I wanted to base my appeal around being smart AND sexy, she said that most people just don't care about smart.
But I knew she was wrong. Phone sex already involves the mind: It's mental, not physical, stimulation.
So that's why I started this blog: because I have more to say than "harder!" and "faster!" -- I have sexy stories, great advice on sex and relationships, and opinions on just about every subject imaginable.
I want to make your wildest fantasies come true. That takes more than a hot voice and a hot body. It takes a fantastic imagination and a whole lot of expressiveness.
So experience the difference: You don't need to talk to dumb sluts when it's just as easy -- and just as cheap -- to talk to a smart slut.
